This is me.

Turn that movie off so I can watch the Packers. Thanks.

“I know you haven’t seen it Laura…but has anyone else?” This is how people have learned to address movies around me. Because I just really don’t like watching movies. And people have a hard time accepting that.  I usually get the, “How have you not seen it?!” Or, “I am going to make you watch that movie”. But I do have a few decent reasons as to why I’d rather not sit down and watch a movie.

People may think it’s hypocritical that I’ll spend a day watching football. But football has a social aspect—as long as it’s not too intense, you can talk. It’s real life. And rarely is it sad. Plus, who doesn’t want to watch Jordy Nelson for 3 hours. Regardless…movies.

First things first, movies take a long time to watch. Time that could be spent doing something productive or social. I will watch movies as a social activity, but I would rather go for a walk, or play a game…or talk.

Secondly, I could not tell you the last time I watched a movie by myself. The only two situations that would evoke watching a movie alone, would be illness or a lengthy day of cleaning my room—like one of those unfortunate days when you get home and realize that a bomb went off in your closet.

Thirdly, I have really bad luck with movies. One reason behind this is I’ll actually gamble on Netflix movies, which never turns out well. And other than that, I’d say I’m just really unlucky with the movies that people make me watch.

Fourthly, it’s hard for me to devote that much time watching something that isn’t real. In general, I’d rather watch reality tv, game shows, the Packers, or Ellen.

Lastly (and probably the biggest reason why), movies are too emotionally taxing. Which is how they’re supposed to be. But I get attached too quickly and even if it’s the most predictable situation in the world, I am not happy when someone nice dies. Or when someone awful is a real devil. I understand that’s the whole point of the movie, which is why we don’t mix well. But for instance, the movie Seven Pounds…I think I was sad for like a week.

My dislike of movies isn’t an exclusive situation. Movies can be enjoyable. There are movies out there that I love. But in general, I’m not much of a movie watcher. Some people can go on and on with lists of their favorite movies. Quoting they’re favorite lines. Referencing notable scenes…I’m not sure I could even list 10 movies that I’d consider wonderful. But I’ll give it a go.

My list of good movies is brief…perhaps because I’ve only given a small selection of movies the time of day/night. They are not in order of preference.

  1. Finding Nemo—My sister and I always just skip the first scene where Coral and all her little fish babies (besides Nemo) are killed.
  2. The Parent Trap—I may have this one memorized. Soundtrack and script. Favorite childhood movie.
  3. Inception—A movie that actually makes you think.
  4. Avatar—The extensive fighting scenes could have been shortened by like 27 minutes, but a great movie nonetheless.
  5. How to Train Your Dragon—Just the cutest. I want Toothless to be my pet.
  6. Catch Me If You Can—I may have missed the first half an hour, but I liked the rest.
  7. Bridesmaids—Actually funny.
  8. Silver Linings Playbook—Most recent movie that I have enjoyed. Nice and unpredictable.
  9. Pirates of the Caribbean—No explicable reason.
  10. Goodwill Hunting—An unexpectedly good movie.
  11. The Proposal—Made it past 10!

P.S. I made it to 4 movies (off the top of my head) before I had to look up lists of the “most popular movies of the millennium.” Cheers.

Movies that some people love, that I’ve actually seen, but would only watch again if I was paid no less than $5:

1.     Zoolander—painfully dumb-funny.
2.    Les Miserables—The making of the movie was outstanding, don’t get me wrong. But so depressing.
3.    Seven Pounds—I’ve seen it twice. The second time I was pressured into watching it as a girls’ night. Never again. Lump in throat for days.
4.    Moulin Rouge—Only saw the second half. Too sad.
5.    The Wicker Man—Found this one on a list of bad movies. My mind was suddenly flooded with awful memories of watching this in high school. This may be the worst one.
6.    Open Water—One of those random picks that we thought had potential. So wrong. Awful ending.
7.    Message in a Bottle—Awful ending as well.
8.    Prom Night—Basically if you were in the movie, you were killed.
9.    Edward Scissorhands—Can’t actually claimed that I’ve seen this one. We gave it a valiant effort that lasted about 7 minutes before we decided it was too creepy to handle.
10.  Horror Movies—Pretty much any horror movie is awful. If it’s Halloween, sure, fine I’ll watch one. But that’s about it.

Movies that I’ve never seen, but should force myself to sit down and watch:

1.    Star Wars
2.    The Lord of the Rings
3.    Saving Private Ryan
4.    Sherlock Holmes
5.    The Bourne Identity
6.    The Shawshank Redemption
7.    Titanic
8.    Wild Hogs
9.    The Princess Bride
10. The Bucket List

If you think there’s a movie that I shouldn’t go through life without seeing, let me know. But if you have any inclination that it may ruin my view of movies indefinitely, then please don’t trick me into watching it.

If anyone has ever asked me to watch a movie, or is planning to ask me to watch a movie, don’t be offended by this post. I’ll watch movies. And I’ll actually enjoy them. I just won’t be the first to suggest the idea.

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2 thoughts on “Turn that movie off so I can watch the Packers. Thanks.

  1. I didn’t see “Step Up” on your list of “Likes” or “Hates”. I’m just sayin….I hated the end of “Message in a Bottle” also, did not need to end that way.

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