The Magic of Everyday Life / This is me.

I’m excited on the inside, trust me.

I have diagnosed myself as someone who has an inability to show excitement to the true extent. Some people scream, some people jump, some people shout phrases of exclamation [that sound entirely natural]…and I’m usually just asked if I’m excited or not.

My Dad says I can thank him for this fine trait.

It’s a strange issue to have. Because I’m a genuinely appreciative person. I’m an overly optimistic person. And my sister tells me I’m an “easy laugh”. I smile all the time. It’s just the [outwardly expressed] excitement part that’s lacking.

Normally I have to convince people I’m excited, because I don’t naturally let out screams or jumps of excitement. I just appreciate internally. Usually I remedy the situation by saying, “I’m genuinely happy.” Paired with an unforced smile. Luckily that part comes naturally.

But this is an ongoing issue. It manifests itself every time I open a gift, every time I see someone who I haven’t seen in a while, every time I get to do something people aren’t normally lucky enough to do, every time I go to a concert, get offered a job etc. …it comes off as if I’m not excited. But if I attempted to act how the majority of people act when they’re excited, I’d royally embarrass myself. I’d shout for joy and consequently resemble someone who knows about their surprise party, but doesn’t want people to feel bad, so they act surprised anyway…but it’s entirely obvious that they’re acting. That would be me.

So basically what I’m trying to say is that I appreciate anything you’ve ever done for me. I love surprises. If you simultaneously surprised me and x-rayed me at the same time, you’d probably see butterflies floating around. You just won’t hear a high-pitched scream. Or see me bounce off the floor. Just know that. Be satisfied. It’s not easy being an internally excited person.

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